C: doppelgänger

A few months ago you might have read or taken part in the Facebook *doppelgänger fad, when people changed their profile image to that of a celebrity look-a-like.
I was trying on celebs like shoes and none of them seemed to fit. Three months later I resubmit my second-self: Tina Majorino. Big forehead. Nose matches. Good enough. Not a true double but if the script of my life ever pans out she’s got job security.

In reality, however, social network fads aside, my true doppelgänger is a blue koala. Back in 2000, the summer Olympics were held in Australia and Texaco offered Inside-Outback plush toys. My parents purchased all of them and eight years later gave them to Caleb.
After a good washing, a hideous blue koala/soccer ball, predating Disney’s Stitch, quickly became newborn Caleb’s favorite. Why? We have a theory. The premise of which is largely based on the facial features of the koala. Unlike other toys it has a flat face that includes two eyes, a nose and mouth similar to the facial features of a human. Basically, Caleb thinks his plush friend is human and since he has associated with the toy since an early age, I’d venture to say Caleb regards it as a family member. In fact, it is one of his “babies”.

If asked what Caleb’s first words were I’d respond: quack, Dada and Ah-yah-yah. That’s right, Ah-yah-yah trumped Mama by at least four months, but that is mine own fault. I would puppet the koala to say, “Hi, Caleb, I’m a koala and I’m from Australia,” and Caleb, a recluse child, would smile and giggle. If you have ever been a new mom you’ll understand this: newborn smiles are like crack. They keep you going. Towers of dishes erect, laundry become plentiful heaps, sleep dwindles, but your child’s smile is a triumph of world-peace proportions.

So after reciting Australia day in and out (babies are the only ones who think broken-records are entertaining) Caleb started jabbering Ah-yah-yah. Nowadays though, he makes a weird tongue-waggling sound in regards to Ah-yah-yah that I cannot imitate or give phonetic-justice. For the sake of onomatopoeia, I apologize for this!

Recently Caleb, when asked, “What are you doing?” will respond with “badaduh TOWER”, “COLORS”, “HELPing”, “WOLKing”, “THROW” or “KICK” as he commences his toddler-business of stacking blocks, coloring, picking up and relocating toys, adventuring outside and playing with a ball. He enjoys playing ring-around-the-roses and duck-duck-goose with Ah-yah-yah and Ducky. He puts them in time-out for bad behavior especially after he has warned “STA-OP!”

Lately, as I buzz about with my household chores, putting dishes away, fixing the couch cover for the umph-teenth time, dusting, sweeping and whathaveyou, in my peripheral vision I’ll spot Ah-yah-yah, deserted and often face-down on the floor. It has been happening more frequently. Caleb has found other activities to occupy his time. No need to tote around Ah-yah-yah anymore unless he needs a third for duck-duck-goose.
This is a glimpse of myself. My role as mother is shifting from a security blanket to a wet one. Most days I enjoy his independence. These are my face-up days. I’m smiling and relaxing, and the house is in order because I have the means of free time. Then there are those face-down moments when I have a pang of baby hunger. It usually subsides after fruitfully reading a line of a book without needed repetition, completing a project, going for a walk outside, saying a lengthy prayer in reverence, realizing I’ve had at least eight hours of sleep each night for over a year now or using the restroom uninterrupted. You know, the benefits.


I’m glad I have what little intimate time I do with Caleb now. I think he needs it as much as I do.
Part of me misses the possibilities that having a healthy second pregnancy could have produced. I see how Caleb interacts with his peers. He is considerate and meek. I think back to when he was blessed and given his name that he was commissioned to be a good brother and to help his parents raise his siblings, to be an example. His middle name is a constant reminder that he was meant to be a forerunner of other children. There are no doubts that he would be a wonderful big brother, but now is not his dispensation. Until further notice it is a time of acquisition rather than mentoring for Caleb, for whatever reason.

And as for Ah-yah-yah and me, well, we have each other to keep company. I think we’ll join a spin class, recite poetry, volunteer for habitat for humanity, take up underwater basket weaving or just

something.

As for the picture?
Besides the occasional ring-around-the-rosie, Ah-yah-yah has been known to dabble in hide-and-seek. Caleb and I take turns hiding and finding the koala.

Ah-yah-yah Blog Cameos:
Birthday No. 2
All You Need is
1953: A Very Good Year
Memorial Day Parade
Caleb Aerobics


*Argh, don’t even get me started on the accurate meaning of doppelgänger and how a literary term has now been reduced to a mean a person is a mere twin. Curse you, Facebook, on behalf of Mary Shelley and literary-enthusiasts everywhere!

Caleb saying "Ah-yah-yah"

Come back tomorrow for: A