clear eyes. full hearts. can't lose.

Three weeks ago we visited the University of Texas in Austin. While Mike went through the usual hoopla with the faculty, I was left to myself for the day. The kids were back in Massachusetts with a dear (not to mention brave) friend of ours.
I stayed near campus and spent most of the day walking the length of it, museum-hopping. I was very... overwhelmed? impressed? Our undergraduate studies were at Northern Arizona University which is a very cozy campus then Mike attended Harvard. I mean, Harvard is pretty big, but the layout is very scattered since it is an older college and had to evolve due to growth. I think a taxi driver I spoke with described the campus at UT-Austin perfectly when he said, "It is like the Vatican. A city within a city."
I took a break from campus to hobble (seriously, hobbling because I wore flats on this trek) to the Institute of Religion, a block or so from campus. I spoke with the secretary there and asked about neighborhoods, school districts, whether or not the college was family-friendly. I have to say I had to suppress several smirks as she told me about the area. I'm sure she was telling me what she thought I wanted to know- about how the church is "vibrant" in Austin, and also warning me about how "liberal" the area is. I have lived in Massachusetts for last five years, lady. I grew up in Flagstaff. I assure you I could handle living in a red state again. What I'm not sure I can handle is living in a cul-de-sac ward with book clubs, an endless parade of handouts, and centerpieces- all the excess junk I have been ridden of since I have been in a branch. What you call "vibrant" I see as dull. But that's just me, and who I am.
When I got back to the hotel room I put my feet in an ice-cold bath and thought long and hard. No doubt about it, Austin had a good school with a strong Latter-day Saint community. I remembered some counsel about community that our branch president gave us almost a year ago. Then I got this distinct impression that the place I needed to be most was with my husband, that a lot of the things we enjoyed- even church service, would be compressed to lighten our load, but I needed to be faithful because my efforts, as a wife and mother, would be the standard for my family and be of great influence to them.
This impression- no matter how comforting or flattering- was a big fat red flag for me. Odds were with an impression like that we were not going to end up somewhere I wanted, and this was a way to prepare me for that outcome. I love my Heavenly Father. He knows me and knows I am a stubborn daughter. A beloved daughter, sure, but still stubborn (and sort of snarky).

I had been praying fervently about this decision for months, but did not receive a definite answer until Monday, March 4th, the day after Fast Sunday. I was sitting at the computer and the thought came to mind that I should pray about Austin again, so I paused my project and did just that.
I love the confirmation that comes through the Holy Ghost. People describe it differently, and it isn't always the same from person to person or even experience to experience. You usually hear about feeling warmth in your heart, and I have had that too. But for me, personally, when I ask the big questions my confirmation makes me feel enveloped with a loving presence, it is if hands have been placed on my upper arms tenderly. For some that may sound weird, but for me it is a caring gesture and calming sensation that reminds me to be still and know my Father is God.
I quickly typed Mike an e-mail about the experience. I wrote something cryptic like "I got the 'okay' from the Big Guy that we can go to you-know-where. Just waiting for you to confirm." To which he replied, "Yeah, I did yesterday. I just didn't think I should tell you yesterday. I guess this is the reason why - so that you could get your answer. :)"
I can't express how important that was to me. Sure, you could say I got my answer in Austin. I basically handed off the baton to Mike to make the decision, but once he had, God still wanted me to have a witness of His blessing on our family's endeavors. I'm not just a bystander.

So, that's it.

We are moving to Austin this summer. I'm waiting for that to be natural to communicate to others but I'm not holding my breath! In the meanwhile we are re-watching Friday Night Lights in preparation for our great migration. And, I have to say how much I love the Taylors. Best television couple ever.