Sunday Talk, The Power of Family Home Evening

Two weeks ago I was asked by my Branch President to give a talk at an upcoming Sacrament meeting. Each Sunday Mormons go to church for three hours. One of those hours is dedicated to partaking of the sacrament and other purposes. One of the purposes of Sacrament Meeting is to “provide gospel instruction” and to “strengthen faith and testimony” (Administering the Church [2010], 138). The instruction given during Mormon Sunday services, unlike other religions, is not monopolized by church leaders. All members are given an opportunity to instruct their congregation and share their testimony. My Branch President asked that I give a talk on the topic of the power of Family Home Evening.
Here’s most of the talk I gave. The introduction I gave and the testimony at the end of the talk I didn’t script (sorry), so they are excluded:

In times past, God has chosen prophets, such as Noah, Abraham, Moses, and others, to teach the gospel and direct His Church. The scriptures are abundant with accounts attesting that when the council of a prophet is heeded miracles are derived. People have been nourished, cleansed, cured, and revived- resources have been multiplied, bondage broken, safe passages granted, and promised lands were obtained because of ready and willing hearts.

I am relieved and happy to testify that God continues to send living prophets today. They continue to teach His gospel, and direct His Church. Like God led the Children of Israel out of slavery, He leads us into peaceful lives when we choose to follow the prophets. 

A profound counsel received during these latter-days came in 1915. President Joseph F. Smith and his counselors in the First Presidency began a Churchwide effort to strengthen the family. They issued a call to all parents to gather their children once each week for a "Home Evening." Families were to take time to pray and sing together, read the scriptures, teach the gospel to one another, and participate in other activities that would build family unity. And as a family would do so, the prophet promised, “that great blessings would result.  Love at home and obedience to parents will increase. Faith will be developed in the hearts of the youth of Israel, and they will gain power to combat the evil influence and temptations which beset them.” 

This is what I have been assigned to speak on- the Power of Family Home Evening. As members of the church we are familiar with these blessings- we trump of them often, we practice the tradition of family night- and because of that, I’m going to differ slightly from the topic, and instead focus on how the Power of Family Home Evening is conduced- in hope that through that understanding, the power may be more assessable in our homes.


As I have studied and from my own personal experience on the topic, I conclude that the power of family home evening steams from three principles.

Obedience

The first principle, we have already touched on briefly, is obedience.

Latter-day prophets continue to urge Church members to give highest priority to family home evening. They have promised that our dedication to this program will help protect our families against the evils of our time and will bring us abundant joy now and throughout the eternities.

As a young child I spent a lot of time reading bible stories, they were entertaining. I thought the Children of Israel were so silly, even foolish. I imagine Mormon children feel the same way about the rebellious Laman and Lemuel. From an observer standpoint, the formula for success seems so plain and simple. Be obedient. Yet as an adult, I have found myself having Laman or Lemuel moments. I try to justify my intentions, so my actions may be excused, but "wickedness never was happiness."

President Kimball insisted that, “Family home evening is for everyone. It is for families with parents and children, for families with just one parent, and for parents who have no children at home. It is for home evening groups of single adults and for those who live alone or with roommates. . . . Regular participation in family home evening will develop increased personal worth, family unity, love for our fellow men, and trust in our Father in heaven." This is counsel for all, no matter the season of life. Age, gender nor family size will disqualify us from the blessings to come if we make the necessary sacrifices to be obedient and have home evenings. We will be blessed. 

Diligence

The second principle is Diligence. In his talk, More Diligent and Concerned at Home, Elder Bednar shares his memories of Family Home Evening as a father of active, rambunctious boys.  He admits that he and Sister Bednar often wondered if their efforts to do these spiritually essential things were worthwhile. He confirms they were.

He compares their efforts to artwork- quote, “Each family prayer, each episode of family scripture study, and each family home evening is a brushstroke on the canvas of our souls. No one event may appear to be very impressive or memorable. But just as the yellow and gold and brown strokes of paint complement each other and produce an impressive masterpiece, so our consistency in doing seemingly small things can lead to significant spiritual results…Consistency is a key principle as we lay the foundation of a great work in our individual lives and as we become more diligent and concerned in our own homes.”
 
It seems often in the scriptures, we come across progressive instructions from prophets- such as if you do a then b will happen. An example is Moses telling those bitten by the serpents to LOOK and LIVE. We also come across a more repetitive pattern- if you do a, and a, and a, and a, and a, and a then eventually b will happen. Examples of these are the Israelites marching around the walls of Jericho or the washings of Naaman. I think Family Home Evening is like the latter. It won’t be the first lap around or the last washing that will bless you, but the anthology of your efforts.

The following scripture in D&C 64:33, brings me great comfort as I try to be diligent in my errands, “Wherefore, be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great.” I hope we remember how great the ultimate work and glory of the Lord is as we try to diligently keep Family Home Evening in our homes.

Stewardship  

The last principle is stewardship. Twice a year our family has a special home evening a month before General Conference. We play a game that helps us learn about prophets and then we have a sort of family council and we compile a list of questions or concerns we may have. For the remainder of the month leading up to General Conference we pray about those issues- privately as well as a family. And last September, a concern I had was harmony in our home. And shortly after we started to pray about it I got the impression that we needed to work on Family Home Evening, and I agreed with that impression. 

I found myself dreading Family Home Evening. It wasn’t that we weren’t doing FHE. We were! We were being obedient and we were being diligent, but that power- the feeling of love and unity- wasn’t present. And if I was aware of that absence so were my children. Many times at the conclusion of our evenings I got the distinct feeling, “I’m doing this wrong.” 

So I knew we had to adjust Family Home Evening, but how? And I got my answer from a talk given by Elder Perry that conference about becoming goodly parents. With prayerful consideration and additional evaluations to our needs, we have realigned our family home evening- how we did so is not really important in this context, but why we did so is. We realigned our home evenings because we sought after the Lord’s guidance concerning our family and received an answer. And now things are much better for us. Not perfect, but better.

Elder Groberg testifies, “Whatever the setting, the Lord will guide parents as they prayerfully seek to rear their children in love and righteousness.”And evident by the experience I just shared with you, I can affirm that. Stewardship is the responsibility to the blessings God has given us- and family most certainly falls under such a heading as “Inheritance from the Lord”. Parents, children, siblings can council together- and receive family revelation as to how to love and serve one another. Of course, our prayers must be more than words, for as President Marion G. Romney said, “The efficacy of our prayers depends on how we care for one another. Family prayer is fully effective, then, only as we rise from our knees and, with increased love and understanding, take better care of each other.”

Through the principles of obedience, diligence, and stewardship we can cultivate and access the power of Family Home Evening. I like the scripture, D&C 29:4-6, it reads:

Verily, I say unto you that ye are chosen out of the world to declare my gospel with the sound of rejoicing, as with the voice of a trump. Lift up your hearts and be glad, for I am in your midst, and am your advocate with the Father; and it is his good will to give you the kingdom. And, as it is written—Whatsoever ye shall ask in faith, being united in prayer according to my command, ye shall receive.

If there is any place to declare the gospel with the sound of rejoicing, to have glad hearts, to be uplifted, to feel the presence of the Savior, to be united in faith and prayer, it is in our home. And that is what the Lord desires for us, and that is the power of Family Home Evening.

Anchor

Dear Caleb,


You just turned five and suddenly look like it overnight! You look so much like your dad. Blonde, straw-like hair that I have to wet, comb and gel fanatically each morning. Long arms, long legs, skinny. You act like your dad too. I laugh at your inquiries and quirks because I get a glimpse of what Daddy was like when he was your age.

Your favorite thing to do with me right now is wrestle. One day soon you will realize that the other boys don’t typically wrestle with their moms- and most moms are not trained grapplers. You will feel both lucky and cheated. Sorry. You also are prone to wrestle with me emotionally these days. You are stubborn.  Just like me. While your similarities with your father bond you to him, our similarities cause dispute.

My favorite thing to do with you right now is read- whether you are reading to me for your daily chore or I am reading to you from a chapter book before bed. It is a quiet time that exposes the interworking of your mind, and its maturity. A level of maturity I marvel at. At the end of most days, as I tuck you into bed, I come to the conclusion that your little body has not caught up to your vivacious spirit and regret being less-than tender with you throughout the day. Right now we are reading James and the Giant Peach together and you love it. You laugh at all the right spots. Your humor affectionately reminds me of your dad- his humor being the quality that made me fall in love with him.

I fall in love with you frequently. I have learned that for you I could not be the type of mom I envisioned as a young woman. There would be occasions for softness and gentleness, but what you needed most was my candor and reproach. You are very independent with no credit due to me. That is who you have always been. You thrive with order. Much like me, you realize with organization there comes a freedom of flexibility for creativity.  This is why I think you want to be a chef or, your latest aim, an architect when you are older because they are careers of sequences, measurements- exactness but have an element of inventiveness.  Find a career that feeds both your need for control and creation. Being your mom has fed mine.

Other activities you enjoy are the outdoors, building things… castles, towers, houses, cabins, hobbit holes (Daddy read a few chapters from The Hobbit to you one evening and you haven’t forgotten about it), fences, tents, bridges, churches, schools, temples, factories, the list goes on… and doing crafts. You are looking forward to going camping and taking swimming lessons again this summer. Every day is a grab bag of emotions regarding our pending move to Texas- some days you are excited, other days you are anxious.

The thing you least enjoy is cleaning the playroom, but it is on your chore chart so I encourage you to do it to help our family. You have trouble focusing and get overwhelmed by the task. I usually have to sit in the room while you pick-up, so I roll call (your suggestion) the toys you are to pick up next- first the bricks, then the Lincoln Logs, then the babies and books go back upstairs, vehicles go in the green tub, etc. I try to trip you up by making incorrect suggestions and you laugh, tell me I’m wrong and do it correctly despite my protest.

The reason I am writing this letter is to not forget something, but more importantly so you don’t forget something. A while ago I found a song that perfectly describes our relationship. It makes me tear up every single time and I don’t want to misplace it. The song is Anchor by MindyGledhill.

Caleb, during a time when absolutely nothing could keep me grounded, you were my anchor. You became my purpose, my pleasant distraction. I will spend the rest of your life being your biggest supporter and fan. I wouldn’t have you any other way. I love you, Elias.


Your anchor,

Mommy

clear eyes. full hearts. can't lose.

Three weeks ago we visited the University of Texas in Austin. While Mike went through the usual hoopla with the faculty, I was left to myself for the day. The kids were back in Massachusetts with a dear (not to mention brave) friend of ours.
I stayed near campus and spent most of the day walking the length of it, museum-hopping. I was very... overwhelmed? impressed? Our undergraduate studies were at Northern Arizona University which is a very cozy campus then Mike attended Harvard. I mean, Harvard is pretty big, but the layout is very scattered since it is an older college and had to evolve due to growth. I think a taxi driver I spoke with described the campus at UT-Austin perfectly when he said, "It is like the Vatican. A city within a city."
I took a break from campus to hobble (seriously, hobbling because I wore flats on this trek) to the Institute of Religion, a block or so from campus. I spoke with the secretary there and asked about neighborhoods, school districts, whether or not the college was family-friendly. I have to say I had to suppress several smirks as she told me about the area. I'm sure she was telling me what she thought I wanted to know- about how the church is "vibrant" in Austin, and also warning me about how "liberal" the area is. I have lived in Massachusetts for last five years, lady. I grew up in Flagstaff. I assure you I could handle living in a red state again. What I'm not sure I can handle is living in a cul-de-sac ward with book clubs, an endless parade of handouts, and centerpieces- all the excess junk I have been ridden of since I have been in a branch. What you call "vibrant" I see as dull. But that's just me, and who I am.
When I got back to the hotel room I put my feet in an ice-cold bath and thought long and hard. No doubt about it, Austin had a good school with a strong Latter-day Saint community. I remembered some counsel about community that our branch president gave us almost a year ago. Then I got this distinct impression that the place I needed to be most was with my husband, that a lot of the things we enjoyed- even church service, would be compressed to lighten our load, but I needed to be faithful because my efforts, as a wife and mother, would be the standard for my family and be of great influence to them.
This impression- no matter how comforting or flattering- was a big fat red flag for me. Odds were with an impression like that we were not going to end up somewhere I wanted, and this was a way to prepare me for that outcome. I love my Heavenly Father. He knows me and knows I am a stubborn daughter. A beloved daughter, sure, but still stubborn (and sort of snarky).

I had been praying fervently about this decision for months, but did not receive a definite answer until Monday, March 4th, the day after Fast Sunday. I was sitting at the computer and the thought came to mind that I should pray about Austin again, so I paused my project and did just that.
I love the confirmation that comes through the Holy Ghost. People describe it differently, and it isn't always the same from person to person or even experience to experience. You usually hear about feeling warmth in your heart, and I have had that too. But for me, personally, when I ask the big questions my confirmation makes me feel enveloped with a loving presence, it is if hands have been placed on my upper arms tenderly. For some that may sound weird, but for me it is a caring gesture and calming sensation that reminds me to be still and know my Father is God.
I quickly typed Mike an e-mail about the experience. I wrote something cryptic like "I got the 'okay' from the Big Guy that we can go to you-know-where. Just waiting for you to confirm." To which he replied, "Yeah, I did yesterday. I just didn't think I should tell you yesterday. I guess this is the reason why - so that you could get your answer. :)"
I can't express how important that was to me. Sure, you could say I got my answer in Austin. I basically handed off the baton to Mike to make the decision, but once he had, God still wanted me to have a witness of His blessing on our family's endeavors. I'm not just a bystander.

So, that's it.

We are moving to Austin this summer. I'm waiting for that to be natural to communicate to others but I'm not holding my breath! In the meanwhile we are re-watching Friday Night Lights in preparation for our great migration. And, I have to say how much I love the Taylors. Best television couple ever.